BuzzFeed recently asked the its community about the things that annoy them the most in sex scenes in movies and TV shows. Here are the worst offenders.
Heads up: These responses mostly refer to heterosexual sex between cisgender men and women — because the representation of LGBT sex on screen is a whole other can of worms.
1. First of all, no one ever talks about protection or birth control, because apparently, pregnancy and STIs are not a concern.
2. And no one talks about what they want at all. Everyone just communicates through lusty eye contact and ~knows~ immediately what the other person likes.
3. In fact, nobody seems to be worried about consent in general. It’s just kind of assumed everyone wants sex all the time.
4. Removing clothes is always easy and sexy, instead of being the MOST TEDIOUS AWKWARD PART.
If it’s not full on stripping, it’s perfectly choreographed frantic ripping-and-throwing on the way to the bed. YEAH, SURE.
5. Ditto with making shower sex look sooo easy rather than a TOTAL LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE.
Somehow, no one accidentally trips or winds up cold outside the stream of water. Because MAGIC.
6. Women always have cute matching lingerie on, even if the sex was spontaneous.
8. And guys are always able to enter their partner in one swift movement.
12. Everyone moans like their life depends on it.
13. It’s super easy to make women orgasm through, like, 30 seconds of penetrative missionary sex.
14. No one laughs, ever. Instead, sex has to be Incredibly Serious and Intense at all times.
15. Ditto with hilarious bodily noises like queefs or farts or the slap of skin. NONEXISTENT.
16. The main sexual move appears to be rolling around together while seemingly not actually having sex.
17. Women always keep their bras on — or get back into their bra and panties, like, immediately after sex.
18. Orgasms are always simultaneous, obviously.
19. And on that note, everyone always comes.
Very realistic. Sure.
Like, what were they doing? Sitting at the end of the bed together? What position makes this possible????
21. Everyone’s hair and makeup is always on point after the deed is done.
22. After sex, the dreaded post-coital L-shaped sheet formation makes an appearance.
YOU KNOW, when somehow, the sheet is perfectly arranged to be covering the woman’s chest and the man’s groin, but while still showing off his impeccable chest.
23. Afterwards, there’s never any cleanup and no one pees. Just STRAIGHT TO BED.
It must be nice not to have to worry about UTIs or wet spots!!
24. And lastly, this scene that is just so fucking universal it hurts:
A man and a woman. They give each other some look at a bar or restaurant. It may involve a wink or seductively sucking down a drink. Then, inevitably, there’s a cut scene to them bursting into their apartment making out or banging. Every. Damn. Time.
